I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We are two peas in an std pod
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
