It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sponge bath it is.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
