you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
