Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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