Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize