somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
