Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
