party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
