woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
