Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
