i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
