so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
