maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
