My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
