You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
