I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
