i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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