the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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