Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
