wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
