Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize