At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
