All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
