I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm getting married
To pizza
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize