Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
