I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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