his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
