the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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