I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
