you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
