all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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