So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize