3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
