I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
