FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
