I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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