Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
