Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
