it hurts more in the daytime
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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