theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
