i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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