Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
