she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
operation harelip BJ is a go
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fill condoms, not promises.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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