she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
