It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
