I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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