I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
