maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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