Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
