News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
