so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize