I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
