Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
