Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
