Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
