well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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