that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize