Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
