I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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