Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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