peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize