dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
