your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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