I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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