That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
its not stalking. its research.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
