drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize