hotel room ftw
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
