not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
