the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize