So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
