Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
