I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
