Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
