Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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