i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
