apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
