I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
