How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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