I wish my penis had an off switch
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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