Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
