i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
