Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
