somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
