well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Found the puke drawer
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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