I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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