If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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