Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
