I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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